well, not exactly.
Since I don't have time to work when I go to school, I have to work in this weekend.
I'm very nervous for it. Especially the food. especially everything that has with social things. I hate christmas eve. Bu tthis year, I've been good. Haven't complained about it. Just said I'd look forward to it.
Then I don't ruin somebody elses christams. If I even mean that much to anyone.

I did not have the two first classes today. We had gym. I have a special problem with gym as it is, because of my social anxity. When I feel bad, I can't manage it.
So I went sleeping in the library. I think I snorred. don't care that much about it.
I finaly sleep now. Still not getting new energy. I'm fed up with this. But I don't dare hope for anyting else.

I'm waiting for a friend to call me. We're supposed to take a walk. I have some extra calories to burn, and I don't want to sit in this sofa anymore.
I love my friend. With her I don't feel any anxity, and I'm really myself with her, the way I want to be. I do not fear speaking up and tell her my exact opinions and I'm not afraid to.. I don't know. I tell her the truth. Always. I would not mind lying to her, I don't feel like I have to either.

Today, I just managed to get myself through school again, then I went home. The crying is on again, but I fell asleep pretty soon. The headche is not getting better, and everytime I try to think, or find myself thinking, I get sick. I am sick, feeling ill.
My mum are afraid I can't sleep because I have to share room with my sister. Because my brother is home for christmas, he has the extra room in this house.
But its not that. And this makes the distance between us bigger. She can't see my black hole, this hopelessness, this thing I'm affected of right now. I'm not afraid to sleep in the same room as my sister. I'm too frightened to close my eyes, I just start thinking. then.. I don't know. My head starts twisting.
and I'm full of energy.

got to go now,

-elsk.